Working mothers - can we really have it all?

As a girl brought up in the seventies and eighties, I was raised to believe that I could be anything I wanted to be.
 
University educated?

Go for it.

Successful career woman?

Of course, nothing you achieve would surprise us.

Wife and partner?

Naturally.

Super mum?

Need you ask?

The only problem is no one ever told me how I was meant to achieve all of this in one lifetime.

Of late, I’ve realised that while society has given women of my generation a beautifully blank canvas upon which to paint our futures, there's no road map to the brave new world that our mothers and grandmothers dreamt we would inherit.

OK, so I admit it.

Sometimes, I really would settle for an unambitious but eminently sensible join the dot design that tells me exactly how I am meant to simultaneously succeed as a domestic goddess, super mum and high flying career woman.

Now, before you think this is going to be another one of those ‘Dr Phil’ moments where I sprout off idealistic and totally unrealistic advice about how working women should lead their lives, let me reassure you...I’m not that kind of girl.

I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve taken a good hard look at my chaotic life and decided that I’ll never get my act together until I allow myself some time to get back to basics and stop feeling guilty.

We hear so much about work life balance... but if you’re like me, juggling multiple roles with very little time for yourself at the end of the day, you may not even have time to work out what this frequently used term means.

The reality is that it every working mother has a different way of managing her obligations and responsibilities.

Some do it brilliantly, but I’ve some to the conclusion that I’m just a little bit addicted to being ‘busy’ and it’s not only slowly driving my husband nuts, but causing me to miss out on many of the good things in my life.

So, my objective this year is to make sure that I stay connected to the people who are important to me and do the things that I enjoy, before the chance passes me by.

For me, it’s about making good choices, sticking close to home and remembering that time is a commodity that I can’t afford to waste.

So how can a woman who works 80 hours a week keep all the balls in the air for months or years at a time?

The short answer is – she can’t.

After spending the last three years slogging away to build my own business, I’ve realised that it’s no use whinging about the time I don’t have.

I’d simply be much better off if I made the most of the time that I do have.

Someone once said that you can’t take it with you.

I suppose you had to have ‘it’ (whatever that is) in the first place before you take it anywhere...but even so, I think the old adage has a point.

While our lives as parents are often focussed on raising our kids, the bottom line is that our children are on loan to us for about 18 years.

Eventually they grow up, make their own way... and we are back where we began.

Scary isn’t it?

Hopefully, our partnerships are still intact when our kids leave the nest.... but nothing's a given these days.

So will we parents have anything to talk about when school, Saturday sport, homework and worries about who our kids are hanging around with are no longer topical conversation starters?

I figure that if my husband and I going to survive our child’s active primary school years, challenging adolescence and worrying transition to adulthood, we’d better still know, and like, each other at the other end of the journey.

So in our family, we’re working on making sure that happens.

And for us, it's the quality, not the quantity that counts.

For time out from the craziness of our lives, we love nothing better than a good weekend getaway

But we’ve decided that four hour road trips to picturesque vineyards or determined dashes to interstate destinations pale in comparison to a stay in a nearby, but fabulously calm and stylish city hotel.

Now we’ve both travelled a lot, but our secret hideaway (not so secret now perhaps) is just a thirty minute bus ride from home.

A little pricier than the Travelodge...but when it’s easy to get to, everything’s included and each smiling staff member knows your name, who cares?

And who wants to battle traffic on the freeway or airport check in counters on a Friday afternoon anyway?

At the pace at which my life runs, I figure that easy is good.

And for us, a city getaway, where we are just a half hour away if disaster strikes the 9 year old’s sleep over at Grandma’s, is as good as it gets.

Sure, we spend lots of time talking about our child, flatulent flea ridden beagle and the perennial need to do something about the dire state of our garden...but really, when you’re enjoying a 280 degree view of the harbour, super attentive service and  killer canapés and drinks as the sun goes down, who cares if the conversation is about ordinary, but important things?

For a hardworking mum who spends all her time looking after the needs of others, it just feels so right to be treated like I am someone special, even if it is for just one night.

So, I’ve decided that from now on, I’m not going to feel guilty about occasional indulgences.

After all, it’s not like I do it every day...

But a girl can dream, can’t she?

PS: If you’re still reading this and wondering about my secret hideaway, visit the Horizon Club at the Shangri-La Hotel Sydney and tell them that Sonja sent you.

                                                                                                                                                                 © Sonja Walker 2010

What do you do to take time out for yourself?

Share your ideas in the forum below and come back soon to get ideas from other working mothers. You never know - their tips might work for you too!