Dealing With Disappointing Reports

It's a fair bet that your child doesn't want to bring a bad report home.

It's humiliating, intimidating, and lowers their self esteem.

Most kids don't set out to deliberately disappoint their parents - yet at this time of year, thousands of families are dealing with their children's below par reports and looking for someone or something to blame.

Teachers
Teachers are often the first victims of parental disapproval.

Children who are not succeeding in a classroom will often find reasons to criticise a teacher who they believe to be incompetent, inexperienced, uninterested or incapable of communicating clearly.

This happens most frequently in high schools and in the later years of primary school, where students are taught by more than one teacher. It's easy for kids to compare individual teachers' personal styles and to lay the blame for a poor report on the teacher with whom they feel least connection.

Teachers are not perfect and, at times, kids' descriptions of them are unfortunately accurate.

However, more often than not, teachers do their best to support struggling students and blaming them without trying to work toward real solutions is rarely helpful.

Rather than making a teacher responsible for your child's challenges, it is more productive to look closely at your son or daughter's behaviours, skills and performance in the subject in which they are struggling.

A teacher should be able to show you the tasks that your child has been set and provide examples of their efforts. Ask for a meeting and request specific information so that you get details about your child's struggles first hand.

Most teachers will be happy to provide you with a professional explanation of where your child is going wrong and suggestions to help your child improve.

Kids
With those details under your belt, it's now time to support your child in an effort to achieve improved results.

When you talk to your child about that underwhelming report - choose the right time and place for the conversation.

Select a moment when they can enjoy your full attention and benefit from a calm and unemotional atmosphere.

Be ready for the possibility that your child might not know why he or she has done so poorly.

Many kids can't see the bigger picture - and let's face it - if they knew what they had to do, most of them would probably be doing it!

At this point, it's important that your child understand and take responsibility for their challenges - but be gentle.

Ask your child what they think they need, talk about the advice that has been provided by their teacher and then come up with two or three practical things that they can do to improve.

It might be something as simple as doing their homework in the morning to avoid after school fatigue or getting some professional tuition.

Whatever you choose, choose it together, so that your child knows that you are on their side.

Parents
Finally remember that in absolving teachers, it's important that you, as a busy parent, do not assume a mantle of guilt for your child's difficulties.

If you know that you are providing your child with the attention, support and guidance he or she needs, then the responsibility for their failure is not yours!

Having said that, if part of your child's struggle is caused by a chaotic and unstructured homework time and an intermittent approach to basic skills like home reading and times tables- it may be appropriate for you to re-evaluate your home routines with a view to giving your child more stability, supervision, support and encouragement.

Talking about the Report
When talking with your child about a poor report - it's important that they understand that your love for them is not conditional on good grades at school.

While your child's struggles might be frustrating and incomprehensible for you - the reality is that, for some kids - school will never set their world on fire.

And that's OK - there's a place for everyone in this world and every child has a unique set of skills that will one day determine their future.

What's most important is that they do their best - every day.

No blame games.

No copping out.

Just a concerted effort, positive attitude and best attempt - every time.

If they can do that - they're doing something a parent can, and should, be proud of.