Tips for Keeping in Touch with Your Teenager

Keeping the balance

Life is busy for teenagers today. With school, sport, part time jobs and a social life to maintain, many kids complain that their parents don't understand the pressures they are under. Equally, some mums and dads despair over their adolescent's relaxed attitude to life and wonder when their kids will begin to display some maturity and perspective.

How can you achieve harmony in a household with such conflicting priorities?

The answer is negotiation - with a solid dose of common sense. It's worth remembering that it is very difficult to put old heads on young shoulders.

A parent who expects that their 16 year old can independently organise their time, prioritise their workload and execute a long -term study plan is likely to be disappointed.

Yet, such outcomes are not impossible.

Teachers and children's health experts suggest that in order to survive the turbulent teenage years, both parties need to agree to terms which give kids certain freedoms in return for responsibilities.

A ‘contract' of this kind requires conversations in which parents and kids participate equally. This strategy ensures that everyone is accountable for the joint decisions made and reinforces the priorities that you, as a family, uphold.

As parents list their priorities and expectations, so should teenagers be able to outline their needs and perspectives. It is important to discuss and agree upon things like:

• Extra curricular activities
  If a child plays three sports, learns a musical instrument and is rehearsing for the school play, it is likely that a significant amount of their after school time is going to be absorbed. Find out what your child derives most pleasure and benefit from and together choose one or two activities that you can all support.
• Having a part-time job
  Through part-time jobs, young people learn to be accountable and responsible to others. They also gain skills and perspectives that can prepare them for future careers. Before your child accepts a part-time job, find out about its requirements. Encourage your child to be realistic about how much time their job will take up and make sure they understand that, should they be permitted the freedom to pursue paid work, you will expect maturity from them in terms of their commitment to their employer.
• Social activities
  A teenagers' peer group is an important and valid part of their life. Nevertheless, kids need to remember that that out of hours texting, phone calls and internet chat room conversations with people they will see the very next day is not always a responsible use of their precious time.
• Encourage your kids to have planned time with their friends - but make sure that they
  acknowledge your right as parents to set limits and curfews. Also, be available to your kids to ensure that they are safe when socialising with their mates. Although it's inconvenient to go out to collect a 16 year old at 11pm on a winter's night - the message you give your child about your sense of responsibility and commitment to them is an invaluable model.
• Study and School Work
  The bottom line for any senior student being supported by their family is that school work has to come first. Negotiate a study timetable with your child and encourage them to develop strong planning and time management skills by setting times for homework and study that are predictable. Make sure they have a dedicated study area and a study timetable they can stick to. If your arrangement with your teenager is deemed to be fair and reasonable by all parties, it is more likely that your child will ‘opt in' to your agreement. This will make life much less stressful for all concerned. Should a child find it difficult to keep up with their schoolwork, then it is important to re-convene to discuss what activities are impacting upon their school work.

Remember, the more involved your teenager feels, the more likely you are to survive their senior high school years with your relationship - and sanity - intact.

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